How to get through a period of grief

The first step in getting through the process of grief is allowing yourself time to mourn. Grief is one of life’s most arduous tasks and it is important that you set specific periods of time aside in order to complete this very important work.

Mourning a loss involves giving yourself permission to feel the pain and sadness that death and separation can bring. The mind cannot begin to comprehend, much less accept, the permanency of the absence of a loved one until the emotions have been given the opportunity to express grief. Tears help the healing process begin. So, give yourself permission to cry.

Remembering is an important part of grieving. It is not uncommon to be fearful that you will forget your loved one while grief is fresh. Writing down your memories and your feelings can be helpful as you think about your loss and its implications in your life. Journaling is a way of preserving the memories that you want to always carry with you.

Fresh grief can be raw, even gut-wrenching. But throughout the process of mourning, there are bittersweet memories and even rare moments of laughter sprinkled in and amongst the painful realities of death. Be sure to record these times. Later, when you think about them, each little vignette will become a treasured remembrance that will make you smile.

Talking about your loss validates the reality of your pain.  Sharing the details of your loss can also be an important pathway for emotional healing.  It is important to find at least one good friend or confident that you can talk to and share your grief with.  This relationship offers you the support that you need during the recovery process. Talking helps the mind accept the reality of your loss and slowly removes the sting of its finality. The opportunity to share your loved one's life and death can be a precious part of the mourning process.

In the early days of bereavement, the mind resists what painful emotions seem incapable of admitting. Denial may serve as a way of cushioning you from having to deal with the full impact of death and loss all at once. But as you begin to talk about your loss, real healing can finally begin. 

According to Helen Kubler Ross, accepting a loss is the final stage of grief. In reality, the process that leads to acceptance begins even while the loss is still fresh and poignant. The things that you do to commemorate your loss will help you to move steadily through your period of grief  and toward a place of acceptance.

Funerals, memorial services, and special ceremonies are some of the earliest expressions of the finality of bereavement. They are designed to help you align your emotions and thoughts in preparation for beginning to live a life without the loved one or cherished possession that you have lost.

Faith-based services offer mourners grief support within the context of belief in an afterlife that is lived in the presence of God. Men and women of faith look forward with anticipation to one day being reunited with their absent loved one, in heaven.

 Funerals and memorial services substantiate loss, provide a supportive environment for grief, and pay tribute to a life well-lived.  Choosing to hold a special service or ceremony provides you with a tangible opportunity to say “goodbye” and to prepare to move on.

Participation in a grief and recovery group is another way of dealing with grief through sharing with others who have experienced similar losses. Like every mourner who attends a grief support group, you have a story to tell that is uniquely yours. Each time that you share it, you move a little further along through your period of grief.

Sometimes grief becomes complicated when the feelings of hurt seem unbearable. It is not uncommon for individuals who are suffering with intensely painful emotions to hear and see things that seem very real, but are not. A mother may be certain that she can hear her stillborn infant crying. Surviving spouses engage in conversations with a departed husband or wife just as if he or she is still in the room. Experiences like these do not mean that a grieving person is going crazy. If you experience auditory or visual hallucinations after the death of a loved one, don’t be afraid that you are mentally ill. What is really occurring is that your mind is trying hard to resist the reality of your loss.

When your grief is compounded and recovery seems out of reach, you may need to sit down with a grief counselor or spiritual advisor and talk about how you are coping with your loss. Over time, and with extra support,the complicated symptoms of grief such as auditory and visual hallucinations should lessen and eventually disappear altogether.

As the most painful part of your period of grief draws to a close, you will think more and more about your future while those old, unrelenting feelings of sadness give way to new hope.

Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep - comfort in grief